do-rey-me, abc, 123 baby you and me

A. Attached or Single? Single. Like the Natasha Bedingfield song.

B. Best Friend? The Beef is Lauren. The 2nd Beef is Pam. And Rachoo Baw falls into her own category of awesome.

C. Cake or pie? Ice cream.

D. Day of choice? Tuesday. It's just a good day. Especially when I don't have to work.

E. Essential item? iPod and compulsory headphones or iTrip with which to listen.

F. Favorite color? Rainbow. A dark jewel-toned Rainbow.

G. Gummy bears or worms? Hmm, I like the sour gummy octopi.

H. Hometown? Balm. Not in Gilead.

I. Favorite indulgence? Cookie dough ice cream. And Coca Cola in a can

J. January or July? They tie. January is my birthday month. July is the summer, the beach, the pool.

K. Kids? My friend often talks about how she wants to have the UN equivalent of children. I think I'm on the same page. I want to adopt a bunch of kiddos. And have as many of my own as possible.

L. Life isn’t complete without? really good music, really great books, interesting movies, and great conversations.

M. Marriage date? I'm going to a wedding November 1st. It's not mine, but I'll be there.

N. Number of brothers and sisters? Five sisters. Yup. All girls. We need some fellas.

O. Oranges or Apples? Either, if they're peeled.

P. Phobias? You know when you stick your hands out an open car window and have them fly through the wind currents? I'm always afraid that something is going to drive by my car and cut my hands off. I think it's because I'm a musician and am really attached to my hands.

Q. Quotes?
“They love to tell you
stay inside the lines
but something's better
on the other side."
-John Mayer, No Such Thing

"How can a society that exists on instant mashed potatoes, packaged cake mixes, frozen dinners, and instant cameras teach patience to its young?" -Paul Sweeney

R. Reasons to smile? Tonight my best friend started an iChat conversation with me by calling me Baby. It was an accident, as that's what she normally calls her boyfriend. But it made me giggle.

S. Season of choice? Summer! Always. I mean I'd like Fall and stuff if I had someone to cuddle with.

T. Tag 5 people: Anyone who likes ice cream. Anyone who likes Dane Cook. Anyone who can quote Bradley Hathaway.

U. Unknown fact about me? I'm really finicky about lotion and deodorant smells. I can't stand smelling like powder, old lady, or powdery flowers. So, I tend to stick with citrus-y smells.

V. Vegetable? I really like vegetables. So pretty much anything. Except maybe Leeks. The name just weirds me out.

W. Worst habit? Other than the pesky heroin addiction? Saying stupid catch phrases. Or stupid words. For example: "redonkulous," "true," (instead of another term of agreement), and "good times," (usually used when I have nothing else to say.)

X. X-ray or Ultrasound? This is a weird alpha-question. Ultrasound, cause it means you get to meet babies. :)

Y. Your favorite food? Chicken Fajita bowl from Chipotle.

Z. Zodiac sign? Capricorn. Which makes me think of candy corn. And goats.

Congratulations. You made it to the end. Reward yourself with some candy. Or maybe a goat.

living vicariously

In highschool I had to do this project for my Graphic Design/Art class. The result was this:

from the movie Down with Love. That should be Renee Zellweger's face; instead it's mine.

I just found this website that does the same thing that took me a week or so to do in a matter of minutes. I'm now Carrie Bradshaw AND J.Lo. And what?



Create your own FACEinHOLE
Create your own FACEinHOLE

where have i been?

Busy. Busy.
I like my excuses.

In recent months my hair has gotten a lot longer, and blonder. I've switched jobs, college plans, and wondered what God is up to.

There are a lot of goings on in the Family. And everything's kind of a big deal. But more than ever before in my life I trust that God's got it more than under control.

I'm going to have a new nephew in December.

The path to reconciliation for our family is rocky, but leads to the best destination I could imagine. Can I tell you what it's like to sit across from the birth father who abandoned you and no longer feel any shred of alienation? Probably not well enough. But, he chooses everyday to be a better father to her than to me and that is all I need from him.

Can I tell you what it's like to share my heart with a man that I've prayed for for so long and actually see him begin to respond? To find out that another sister is pregnant, and this might be the thing that not only draws her tighter in our family, but back to God?

It's a crazy dance, to really fast music, and sometimes I don't hit every step, but God is the best dance partner I can think of. And He knows how it'll all play out.

So, in a few weeks I may have no idea what I'll be doing. At least I'll have a pretty dang good tan :)

peace and doughnuts
me

resolve

re·solve [ri-zolv] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation verb, -solved, -solv·ing, noun –verb (used with object)

1.

to come to a definite or earnest decision about; determine (to do something): I have resolved that I shall live to the full. 4. to convert or transform by any process (often used reflexively). 5. to reduce by mental analysis (often fol. by into). 6. to settle, determine, or state formally in a vote or resolution, as of a deliberative assembly. 7. to deal with (a question, a matter of uncertainty, etc.) conclusively; settle; solve: to resolve the question before the board. 8. to clear away or dispel (doubts, fears, etc.); answer: to resolve any doubts we may have had. 10.Music. to cause (a voice part or the harmony as a whole) to progress from a dissonance to a consonance. Noel Failure, no! Noel Disappointment, maybe, but no longer! Change is in the wind, right sir? Exodus 20:12 Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

ouch

Today I killed my car.

"How?" you may ask.

I would respond, rather wryly, "I ran into a cement wall a couple of times."

I was on my way to work, it started raining and as I slowed down I hit a "curtain of water." My car hydroplaned... spun out of control, hit the wall twice, air bags deployed on the passenger side, and in a few breaths it was done.

I panicked a little. Ok, a lot.

The whole thing could have been so much worse than it was. There were no cars around, and an ambulance was only a minute or so behind me. There was debris all over the road, my backpack flew out into the gutter, a piece of my car was on the other side of the road.

I didn't cry until my parents got there.

Emma is dead. Physically I'm fine. Just a sore head and neck. A fabric burn on my elbow.

I don't have money. I wanted to move into an apartment this summer. My insurance is going to go up. I probably get some crap car. Worst case scenario, another one of my car accidents keeps my parents from getting to go on vacation this summer.

I'll die if that happens.

We got some good news today. My dad is up for a really great promotion.

I'm still really numb about all of this. I don't know what to think. I have no idea what will come out of this. I can't foresee any good. I feel like I'm only 21 and I'm going to be stuck in this terrible rut of mistakes and wrong decisions for the rest of my life. Always paying back debts and never making enough money to survive.

Why did my car have to die today? What is that about? Why now? Why couldn't I just have that car for 7 more years. Drive it into the dirt, have some savings and get a new car? I really wanted to move into that apartment, too.

I'm a wreck. Literally and figuratively. Don't even get me started on school and work. And my head still kind of feels funny.

Can I get some love?

i take it back

tom hanks is a really good actor.

forrest gump is amazing.

i need to re-watch a lot of movies.

of my very own

i want a irish rock star of my very own.

or

the rock star friend of mine.

pretty blue eyes.

cannot express

love is not the right word. i say "i love blank" all the time. or "this is the best ever." which cannot all be true. nor is love as flighty as that. all things which you, my readers, if i have any, know.

whoa, lots of commas.

so three things i've really been digging recently. maybe a few more than three...

1. Vampire Weekend's self-titled debut. Awesomely fun music reminiscent of 60s British rock, in a way. I really like it. It's been in my CD player pretty much non-stop since last Saturday. And though the 11 tracks get a little blendy (as in: they bleed into each other) it's still really great just bopping along music. Perfect summer CD.

2. twizzlers. i've been lifeguarding a lot lately. and twizzlers are my snack of choice on the stand. they're easy to eat and really fun to share with the other person i'm guarding with. makes for good times.

3. podcasts. i recently finished my internship at the church and have been figuring out what i want to do with myself for church. podcasts are great. via their audio i can visit churches all over the country. last Sunday i went to California. this Sunday is Mother's Day, so I'll be at my mom's church. next week, maybe Michigan... who knows?

4. speaking of California. there's a guy out there named Francis Chan. if you haven't heard of him, go find his podcast. he's great. he just released a book called CrazyLove. it's a good read.

5. quotes. i am such the sucker for quotes. there was this John Piper one in FC's book that i absolutely need tattooed on me somewhere as a reminder. and then this morning i got this one in an email:

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.
-M. Scott Peck, psychiatrist and author (1936-2005)

certainly a fitting quote for my life currently.

5. anytime i'm with friends. i know that's a given, but certain happenings make you aware of how lucky you are when you have a lot of really true friends. community. it's what makes me sort of a communist. i love the idea of doing life together. sometimes i forget i need to. but there are so many more laughs and memories when there are other people around.

6. c.s. lewis's chronicles of narnia being made into movies. i'll be honest that i'm really looking forward to the dawn treader because it's my favorite book. but something i saw yesterday made me even more excited for this movie: switchfoot in narnia.

ok, so that's double what i said i'd give you. there's more. maybe i'll tell them to you tomorrow. love! high-five and a peace sign :)

Perspective

Eternity is a really, really, really long time, Noel.

I think we'll be able to squeeze everything in.

Relax.

Peace and blue jeans -
The Universe

So, I'm in the process of making decisions, about future. And I get this email. Which is funny.
Last night I got a text from one of my students. It was Jeremiah 29:11. She added me to her Bible Verse text list Sunday night. And so far each verse has been wonderful. Last night's, perfectly timed. It's amazing how I've known that verse for so long, yet forget it every time I feel like my life is in transition.

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
-Jeremiah 29:11 (the message)

It's such a great verse. So, here's to figuring stuff out. Making things black and white. LIVING, and not letting school, or lack of money, or even fake depression stop me from moving forward and living. I've got several really important people that I just want to do life with. Wherever that is.

Abba, I'm down. Let's go.

ow-esome

So, my bff and I are sitting in her living room trying to figure out the whole Verizon Fios thingy. I'm flipping through the guide and find a movie called WarGames from 1983. The info sounds a bit like Ender's Game (a book we both like). So, out of curiosity we decide to watch it.

AMAZING!

1. Matthew Broderick is super dreamy in this movie.
2. The technology stuff is insane.
3. It's fricking Russia vs. America... and it predicts that nobody will win in Iraq.
Pop-culture predictability much?
4. There's a FREAKING pterodactyl that flies around in the movie.

Unfortunately, as with all good movies the first go-round, someone in Hollywood thinks it's a brilliant idea to make a sequel. At least it's straight to DVD, so maybe no one will notice. Except teeny-bopper girls who think the boy is cute... whatever.

The original is good. You should check it out. I so prefer the shaggy haired Matthew Broderick.

i luff quotes

Be not too hasty to trust or admire the teachers of morality; they
discourse like angels but they live like men.
-Samuel Johnson, lexicographer
(1709-1784)

no man is an island

I eat in random cafes a lot, alone.
Today I walked into Panera and saw with a random glance around the room I saw at least three laptops out. Their owners connected by a small white cord and earbud headphones. I was planning on looking exactly that way after ordering some delectable yummies. I had this random urge to sit down with one guy at a booth. He's still plugging away at some random assignment. I feel like being alone together, working, plugged into our own little worlds, maybe there'd be some connection.

I picked a seat by myself. Missed opportunities. When did we get to the point that talking to a stranger in a public place is considered strange? I mean, we're all kind of going along, maybe enjoying the quiet of being alone, or secretly wishing for some companionship, and a furtive glance across the room at someone you speculate could be a kindred spirit is all you get.

Here I am, sitting, pretending to be a pirate with my friend Ryan (via iChat), being serenaded by Hanson, dreading the mountain of work I have to get done for the end of the semester, and just thinking.

What would happen to me if I just ran away to Mexico or Canada or something?

to keep in mind

In words are seen the state of mind and character and disposition of
the speaker. -Plutarch, biographer and philosopher (circa 46-120)

munching

We should try to be the parents of our future rather than the offspring of our past. -Miguel de Unamuno, writer and philosopher (1864-1936)

I don't get many emails. Probably because I don't send many out as a form of communication. Nevertheless, there are two that I can always count on: an email from my friend and yours Anu Garg, Word A Day Guru. And then a tiny note from the Universe, no big deal.

Yes, I realize that my email staples are mass emails. I'm totally ok with that fact. I'm becoming more and more socially inept in my age... hah.

Anyway, this morning's note from the Universe (which at times are rather New Age-y, but a fun read nonetheless) I think is encouraging me to like a boy. But you can say a lot of things over IM that you may not really mean.

Anyway, I'm sharing my note from the Universe with you today. Happy reading:

Noel, do you ever wonder whether you're on the right path?

Do you sometimes feel vulnerable in new relationships?

Does certainty elude you when big decisions loom?

Have you ever gotten nervous at the mere thought of speaking to an audience?

Outstanding, Noel! Fantastic! Because so have all the other legends who came before you.

The Universe

p.s.

Humility shows respect, Noel. Respect shows love. And love can only exist when there's a vision for prosperity, a belief in your own worthiness, and a sense that all is exactly as it should be. Cool, huh? Bring on the "butterflies."

specifically:procrastination

different post

I like making out.

I'm a girl. Not a slut. I haven't ever slept with anyone.

But making out is fun.

It seems weird that guys would think less of me for that. Or be intimidated.

At the same time, I like talking.
One without the other gets very stale.
I should stop thinking about boys.

quote farm

Nothing is more humbling than to look with a strong magnifying glass at an
insect so tiny that the naked eye sees only the barest speck and to
discover that nevertheless it is sculpted and articulated and striped with
the same care and imagination as a zebra. Apparently it does not occur to
nature whether or not a creature is within our range of vision, and the
suspicion arises that even the zebra was not designed for our benefit.

-Rudolf Arnheim, psychologist and author (1904-2007)

“I hate to meet a man whom I have met ten years ago and find that he is at precisely the same point, neither moderated nor quickened nor experienced but simply stiffened.”

-Oswald Chambers, pastor, theologian

“While studying our bibles, we all dressed alike, drank beer, smoked cigars, and threw in a few cuss words to be cool. We thought we were so hip and original.”

-Larry Osborne, visionary, pastor

emergent church

Just got finished listening to a lecture by Mark Driscoll about the Emergent Church.

Now I know why Rob Bell has been seemingly shunned. I'm going to have to check into some more of this stuff. But I am concerned with where some of these "evangelical" leaders are going.

Learned some new words:
Panantheism, not to be confused with Pantheism
Espitology, Mystology, and other stuff like that.

Words brilliant men use to start conversations.

So, here's a question: are conversations about God's Word a bad thing? Conversations about how we apply God's Word to our lives, what ancient text means to us today with countless translations and transliterations? Does our understanding evolve? Is it okay to say that we as a collective are more enlightened today than were the ancient Greeks, Romans, and Hebrews of the New Testament? Or is that dangerous ground?

And as far as looking at Scripture through the eyes of Rabbinical teaching. I don't see a danger in that. But only really, if the Rabbis have accepted Jesus as Messiah. Otherwise, the teachings of Rabbis that were Jesus' contemporaries just offer and interesting religious commentary on the times. Their truth does not transcend what Jesus was doing. But their model of discussion and challenging is something to look at.

I'm not sure. I can see from the one side how Mark Driscoll's comments about Rob Bell's first book make sense. Being able to say any sensational thing and draw a crowd is not a good thing in the Christian collective. But was RB really saying those statements for that purpose? Or to challenge people to think about the theology they adhere to?

So many modern Christians don't know the difference between theology and church doctrine. Why there are different denominations and what the difference between antiquated words like Calvinism and Armenianism mean. Sin is not a readily understandable word by the world's standards, but neither is love, hate, God, or any number of words that we've lost with our increasing illiteracy and the dumbing down of the collective.

Higher test statistics favored over core content understanding is leading to this decay of knowledge and wisdom. It's no longer sought out, so people are like lemmings. That's why one can say anything and draw a crowd.

We're living in 2008 A.D. (or C.E), yet nothing is really any different than that time Paul preached on Mars Hill.

movie list

list of movies i want to see:
The Nines
Wristcutters: A Love Story
Aviva My Love

movie you should see:
Leatherheads

End of story

Awesome Revolution

So, I've decided I'm tired of being a size 10 and I'm working to regain my size 4 of previous years.
There are several wedding thing-a-ma-bob events that I have to go to in the summer, plus I'll be running around little kids all summer, and currently none of my shorts fit. And I came up with a plan for it.

Drink the min water amount
Swim at least two miles a week
-that's 20 laps a day, 4 days a week
-cut my time in half by May
-swimming on weekdays, weekend swimming doesn't count
No fast food buying/buying any food out
one coke a day minimum
ice cream cut WAY back

and as a random side note, i still think that the scene where they drop the flyers in the stairwell in 10 things i hate about you, is one of the coolest scenes ever.

There's other stuff that I don't remember, but I'll add it when I do.

poetry

The great thing about poetry is that you can make up your own spelling. If a word doesn't fit you can spell it however you want.
Rob Bell

I think Rob Bell is falling out of grace with the conservative church. And I'm wondering what particularly set him off. And why suddenly everyone's stoked about Francis Chan.

Why do we make celebrities in the Christian subculture? I'm annoyed by this. But I'm apathetic, so I probably won't do anything.

Salami

words, WORD, AWADies

The other day I went to the library and checked out:

Tim O'Brien's July, July

Anu Grang's Another Word A Day

Fletch Lives

and

Coldplay's A Cold Rush of Blood to the Head

I've really enjoyed all of them so far. I'm still reading through AWAD. And for awhile I've been thinking about words. Always, actually, but recently phrases in particular.

Do you ever get a phrase caught in your head and come up with an entire scene in a story around that one phrase?

I had this one the other week that popped into my head: "Intellectuals of a certain persuasion"

I picture a pub or coffee shop and several men in tweed jackets with pipes. Juxtaposed against several scene kids of our generation holding lattes and peering at each other from behind their black rimmed plastic glasses. 

Then there's one of my favorite phrases ever: The Divine Expression 

That phrase just makes me feel tingly. It expresses something I wish I could express better. Biblical commentators use it when they talk about the first 18 verses of the book of John. It's all about the Divine Expression, yo.

There are several little phrases that make me excited...

infinite, passion, lovely

and so many more words. they just totally get me. 

what are yours?

the pay off

After months of waiting today I am going to bring home one of these:


isn't it funny that the word "excited" is the past tense, but we use it to describe the present?
bye

Future Post

Things I'd like to talk about after this 10 page paper has slaughtered me:

1. This book
2. This Church
3. More melancholy meaning of life garble. And why my students think I'm dating the guy at Chipotle. Good times.

See you all in blog-land soon.

ps Firefox doesn't like my usage of the word "Chipotle" and has suggested that I use "Chippendale"
instead. While this makes the story ten times funnier, it is not accurate and thus cannot be used. Sorry, Firefox, but I still <3 you more than Explorer.

rear view mirrors

I wonder if rear view mirrors have affected the subconscious minds of America?

My mom used a this concept as an illustration one Wednesday night when I was in high school. About how if a driver tried to drive only looking in the rear view mirror, it would be a disaster.

When you're driving it's only healthy to look back occasionally, when you're about to switch lanes, when you're on a busy highway...

I've been living looking back recently, because I'm about to make a pretty drastic lane change.
I'm excited. But to be able to look back and have all these memories, that have now become lessons, and personality shapers, it's weird.

I remember Milk Shakes, and movies every Friday or Saturday night, and water gun surprise wars, and trips to St. Augustine/ Interlachen, Fl, and countless youth conferences, and so much back there.

I had an interesting conversation last night with one of my girls about what it's like growing up as a PK. That brought back more of these lesson/memories. And with my dad's updated news about how my grandmother is doing... I wonder: what will it be like for my kids? I'm grateful that I grew up in a pretty good balance. I just hope I can do the same thing.

So, I'm looking back, and I'm looking forward, and life is one big I-75. I've been driving one section over and over again and now it's time to get on the junction.

Yup.

Coffeehouse

I learned the other day how to say coffeehouse in Hebrew. It's funny, because it's pretty much the same thing as in English.

I bring this up because I was blogging in a coffee shop on Monday night, and felt like SUCH the scene kid. I was even wearing tights and pattened leather shoes. Crazy.

Serious thought for the day:
Comparing John Mayer's song Belief with what my mom was telling me about seeing Aushwitz and Krakow.

She told me last night if she heard one more person say that the war in Iraq is about gas and oil she'd flip out.

I don't know. Because I know that was a motivating factor. But I did forget about Saddam. And his experiments and internment/concentration camps.

In other news, I was ears last night. For several hours. Actually most of my interactions yesterday were more about listening than talking. And that is a sort of role-reversal for me.

Silly question:
I asked my baristas this morning if they'd rather sneeze marbles or sweat cheese. And the guy, whose name I MUST discover said to me, "Sneeze marbles. " To which I replied, "That would hurt man..." and he said, "Yup."

Yay for people who play along with my middle school games :)

5.5 more weeks and I will no longer be an intern at South Tampa Fellowship. Nor have this spiffy computer to play on. For the first time since I've known this I just wondered what would define me. It's been three years, and it is going to be over so fast.

Now, I think I'll go home, then swim. And think to the rythmic beat of my stroke. That's pretty soothing believe it or not.

Leheetrahoat

Good News

I found out today that that paper's due date was pushed back because my professor will be in Austin, Texas. Yay!

Also, as I was walking around campus I saw an add for a Root Beer Pong Tournament tomorrow. Sounds like fun...

And, today is Israel's 60th birthday. She's sexy. It's awesome. We should all sing collectively to her.

Happy Birthday to You

Happy Birthday to You

Happy Birthday dear Promised Land

Happy Birthday to You

And many more....

But the coolest thing about this week? Tomorrow night I'll be sharing with my 75 Middle School students. Me, in the thing,yeah. Haha, I had to do that.

Anyway, it's been a pretty cool experience landing on a topic. Anyway, I'm going to be talking about Worship. Very broad, but ti will be good. I've begun collecting thoughts and rough drafting the whole thing out. I'm really excited about.

Tomorrow night is going to be awesome. Big House > Heather & Blake quality time > Picking up Ha Ema Sheli from the airport (that's My mother in Hebrew).

Today, it is cold, and I'm about to go tell my Lit class about Wilfred Owen, and discuss The Things They Carried.

Have a splendid day!

I Must Be Crazy

I have a ten page paper due Thursday. And I haven't really begun to touch it. I have some ideas. But I don't really want to write it.

I'm feeling all Ecclesiastical. If there's nothing new under the sun, why must professors demand we write original papers for them?

Anyway, I also have to write to 100 word characterizations of characters from Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried. Which has quickly become one of my favorite books. Even though its really depressing. What can I say, I like 'em dark, sometimes.

I'm excited to write these, because O'Brien gives you SO much to work with. Seriously, go to your library and check it out. It was my first real war novel and it fit in perfectly with the Across the Universe DVD release. I felt even more of Max this time around.

Speaking of ATU: I think my niece has a crush on Jim Sturgess. When I turned the movie on the other day she sat in my lap and "oohed" over and over again. It was so precious.

Bye!

thoughts...

-barely seven weeks
-pass MMC2100?
-paramore in orlando!!!
-i really want to go to the beach today instead of class
-my mom is in germany
-there is no sweeter sound than my niece giggling

not there

Elizabeth, I'm feeling emasculated. Maybe I should rent your movies.

I had this nightmare last night that a much more successful meeting took place last night behind my back led by the guy who told me he'd be out of town and a girl who doesn't even work at our company any more. Insecurity much?

I don't know what's going on in my head. I feel as though all these opportunities are lining up for me to do things I'm really good at, and people who have no idea, instead of taking the word of people who vouch for me are being idiotic.

There are no gaps, I can do my job, and hers.... But go ahead, wave your testosterone around and be all proud of the fact you have penises. I'm not going to play the "silently proving myself to you game." I've done that for three flipping years.

But I don't want to be a "bitch on wheels" either. A woman with a chip on my shoulder, out to prove any way that I can that I can play with the big dogs.

So, what's a girl to do? Carrie, it's not as easy as you make it look on TV...

Who knew you'd grow up to work in playground politics...

landing

Maybe it wasn't a good idea to watch Die Hard 2 the day my mother took off for Germany.

But I don't make very good decisions around the time my family members are traveling. Last year I read DC's Everybody Wants to Go to Heaven, But Nobody Wants to Die as both my parents left me in charge of my little sister for their trip to Italy. REALLY bad idea.

Oh well.

That wasn't the entire inspiration for this post. This is:
Today as I was leaving the airport I saw this truck pulling out of the short term parking with the familiar "JUST MARRIED" tagging all over it. Streamers, too. It made me daze off into make-believe land where I imagined an entire scenario about their lives.

I imagined this couple just back from their honeymoon. The groom (who I assume is the man I saw in the drivers' seat) was sunburned with some very not-so-attractive coon eyes. And smoking a cigar as they pulled out of the parking line.

The line "Back to reality" seems a vast understatement.

What is it like to return from a honeymoon? There is a lot of activity in the marriage track around me currently. On the good side, several dear dear friends of mine are headed toward marriage or are recently wed and doing fine. These are exciting times.

On the bad side, the couple I looked to as my romantic inspiration has recently fizzled out. Broken lives and questions... I feel stuck because I don't know what to hope for. These are not exciting times.

What is it like to land on the tarmac, realize that it is indeed back to reality, and the man you married is cheesily sporting coon-lines on a sunburned face and rolling a cigar around in his fingers?

who knew airports would be such a part of my life?

vicarious living

So, I've been living vicariously through the blogs of other people. And they've recently stopped updating on me. So, I guess it's my turn to put some things down, huh?

I imagine conversations with people all the time. Things I would never say because I'm not gutsy. Or I think they won't give me the time of day. Or I'm not cute enough to catch their attention. Or too cute and not enough something else.

Whatever.

I go to this singles' thing every Tuesday night with my big sis and a really good friend of mine. I really love it. The music is probably my favorite part, but the speaking has gotten better and better over the past two years. And recently, maybe because I finally feel old enough, I've started making my way into the "community" of singles. When I started going I was the ONLY 19 year old there. Now, there is a large group of college age students and people around that early 20s stage. So, I don't feel like SUCH the baby anymore. Plus for awhile I was dating a 25 year old, so that helped pull me into the more "adult ranks."

Anyway, I spent three months this summer working for THE COOLEST COMPANY EVER and when I came back there was a lot to figure out. The end of October was suddenly upon me and I was in St. Pete at a Matt Kearney concert with some of these singles... It was sort of in honor of my ex's birthday (at that point he was trying to put "us" back together)

Anyway, I like to remember this night as THE perfect scene in a romantic comedy. You know the scene where the guy and girl that will eventually get together have their first solo conversation. The audience knows they're gonna get together and they have this wonderfully charming conversation.

That's how I like to remember it. But I don't think that's really how it went down. But I left that night with the beginning of a crush on this really cute guy.

We walked around St. Pete, from his apartment to State Theatre, and talked about work and friends, family and growing up in Florida. I got a small peek at his music taste and was really intrigued with what he does for a living.

I hardly see him because he travels a lot, and I hide when I do see him. One of these days when I’ve convinced myself that I’m a 5’9 blonde, successful, beautiful, thin, intelligent woman I’ll talk to him. For now, I’ll keep sending crushing vibes out into the universe and hope they boomerang him to me again…

Or maybe another concert in St. Pete and him walking me around the city will work. I’m keeping my fingers crossed ;)