munching

We should try to be the parents of our future rather than the offspring of our past. -Miguel de Unamuno, writer and philosopher (1864-1936)

I don't get many emails. Probably because I don't send many out as a form of communication. Nevertheless, there are two that I can always count on: an email from my friend and yours Anu Garg, Word A Day Guru. And then a tiny note from the Universe, no big deal.

Yes, I realize that my email staples are mass emails. I'm totally ok with that fact. I'm becoming more and more socially inept in my age... hah.

Anyway, this morning's note from the Universe (which at times are rather New Age-y, but a fun read nonetheless) I think is encouraging me to like a boy. But you can say a lot of things over IM that you may not really mean.

Anyway, I'm sharing my note from the Universe with you today. Happy reading:

Noel, do you ever wonder whether you're on the right path?

Do you sometimes feel vulnerable in new relationships?

Does certainty elude you when big decisions loom?

Have you ever gotten nervous at the mere thought of speaking to an audience?

Outstanding, Noel! Fantastic! Because so have all the other legends who came before you.

The Universe

p.s.

Humility shows respect, Noel. Respect shows love. And love can only exist when there's a vision for prosperity, a belief in your own worthiness, and a sense that all is exactly as it should be. Cool, huh? Bring on the "butterflies."

specifically:procrastination

different post

I like making out.

I'm a girl. Not a slut. I haven't ever slept with anyone.

But making out is fun.

It seems weird that guys would think less of me for that. Or be intimidated.

At the same time, I like talking.
One without the other gets very stale.
I should stop thinking about boys.

quote farm

Nothing is more humbling than to look with a strong magnifying glass at an
insect so tiny that the naked eye sees only the barest speck and to
discover that nevertheless it is sculpted and articulated and striped with
the same care and imagination as a zebra. Apparently it does not occur to
nature whether or not a creature is within our range of vision, and the
suspicion arises that even the zebra was not designed for our benefit.

-Rudolf Arnheim, psychologist and author (1904-2007)

“I hate to meet a man whom I have met ten years ago and find that he is at precisely the same point, neither moderated nor quickened nor experienced but simply stiffened.”

-Oswald Chambers, pastor, theologian

“While studying our bibles, we all dressed alike, drank beer, smoked cigars, and threw in a few cuss words to be cool. We thought we were so hip and original.”

-Larry Osborne, visionary, pastor

emergent church

Just got finished listening to a lecture by Mark Driscoll about the Emergent Church.

Now I know why Rob Bell has been seemingly shunned. I'm going to have to check into some more of this stuff. But I am concerned with where some of these "evangelical" leaders are going.

Learned some new words:
Panantheism, not to be confused with Pantheism
Espitology, Mystology, and other stuff like that.

Words brilliant men use to start conversations.

So, here's a question: are conversations about God's Word a bad thing? Conversations about how we apply God's Word to our lives, what ancient text means to us today with countless translations and transliterations? Does our understanding evolve? Is it okay to say that we as a collective are more enlightened today than were the ancient Greeks, Romans, and Hebrews of the New Testament? Or is that dangerous ground?

And as far as looking at Scripture through the eyes of Rabbinical teaching. I don't see a danger in that. But only really, if the Rabbis have accepted Jesus as Messiah. Otherwise, the teachings of Rabbis that were Jesus' contemporaries just offer and interesting religious commentary on the times. Their truth does not transcend what Jesus was doing. But their model of discussion and challenging is something to look at.

I'm not sure. I can see from the one side how Mark Driscoll's comments about Rob Bell's first book make sense. Being able to say any sensational thing and draw a crowd is not a good thing in the Christian collective. But was RB really saying those statements for that purpose? Or to challenge people to think about the theology they adhere to?

So many modern Christians don't know the difference between theology and church doctrine. Why there are different denominations and what the difference between antiquated words like Calvinism and Armenianism mean. Sin is not a readily understandable word by the world's standards, but neither is love, hate, God, or any number of words that we've lost with our increasing illiteracy and the dumbing down of the collective.

Higher test statistics favored over core content understanding is leading to this decay of knowledge and wisdom. It's no longer sought out, so people are like lemmings. That's why one can say anything and draw a crowd.

We're living in 2008 A.D. (or C.E), yet nothing is really any different than that time Paul preached on Mars Hill.

movie list

list of movies i want to see:
The Nines
Wristcutters: A Love Story
Aviva My Love

movie you should see:
Leatherheads

End of story

Awesome Revolution

So, I've decided I'm tired of being a size 10 and I'm working to regain my size 4 of previous years.
There are several wedding thing-a-ma-bob events that I have to go to in the summer, plus I'll be running around little kids all summer, and currently none of my shorts fit. And I came up with a plan for it.

Drink the min water amount
Swim at least two miles a week
-that's 20 laps a day, 4 days a week
-cut my time in half by May
-swimming on weekdays, weekend swimming doesn't count
No fast food buying/buying any food out
one coke a day minimum
ice cream cut WAY back

and as a random side note, i still think that the scene where they drop the flyers in the stairwell in 10 things i hate about you, is one of the coolest scenes ever.

There's other stuff that I don't remember, but I'll add it when I do.

poetry

The great thing about poetry is that you can make up your own spelling. If a word doesn't fit you can spell it however you want.
Rob Bell

I think Rob Bell is falling out of grace with the conservative church. And I'm wondering what particularly set him off. And why suddenly everyone's stoked about Francis Chan.

Why do we make celebrities in the Christian subculture? I'm annoyed by this. But I'm apathetic, so I probably won't do anything.

Salami

words, WORD, AWADies

The other day I went to the library and checked out:

Tim O'Brien's July, July

Anu Grang's Another Word A Day

Fletch Lives

and

Coldplay's A Cold Rush of Blood to the Head

I've really enjoyed all of them so far. I'm still reading through AWAD. And for awhile I've been thinking about words. Always, actually, but recently phrases in particular.

Do you ever get a phrase caught in your head and come up with an entire scene in a story around that one phrase?

I had this one the other week that popped into my head: "Intellectuals of a certain persuasion"

I picture a pub or coffee shop and several men in tweed jackets with pipes. Juxtaposed against several scene kids of our generation holding lattes and peering at each other from behind their black rimmed plastic glasses. 

Then there's one of my favorite phrases ever: The Divine Expression 

That phrase just makes me feel tingly. It expresses something I wish I could express better. Biblical commentators use it when they talk about the first 18 verses of the book of John. It's all about the Divine Expression, yo.

There are several little phrases that make me excited...

infinite, passion, lovely

and so many more words. they just totally get me. 

what are yours?

the pay off

After months of waiting today I am going to bring home one of these:


isn't it funny that the word "excited" is the past tense, but we use it to describe the present?
bye

Future Post

Things I'd like to talk about after this 10 page paper has slaughtered me:

1. This book
2. This Church
3. More melancholy meaning of life garble. And why my students think I'm dating the guy at Chipotle. Good times.

See you all in blog-land soon.

ps Firefox doesn't like my usage of the word "Chipotle" and has suggested that I use "Chippendale"
instead. While this makes the story ten times funnier, it is not accurate and thus cannot be used. Sorry, Firefox, but I still <3 you more than Explorer.

rear view mirrors

I wonder if rear view mirrors have affected the subconscious minds of America?

My mom used a this concept as an illustration one Wednesday night when I was in high school. About how if a driver tried to drive only looking in the rear view mirror, it would be a disaster.

When you're driving it's only healthy to look back occasionally, when you're about to switch lanes, when you're on a busy highway...

I've been living looking back recently, because I'm about to make a pretty drastic lane change.
I'm excited. But to be able to look back and have all these memories, that have now become lessons, and personality shapers, it's weird.

I remember Milk Shakes, and movies every Friday or Saturday night, and water gun surprise wars, and trips to St. Augustine/ Interlachen, Fl, and countless youth conferences, and so much back there.

I had an interesting conversation last night with one of my girls about what it's like growing up as a PK. That brought back more of these lesson/memories. And with my dad's updated news about how my grandmother is doing... I wonder: what will it be like for my kids? I'm grateful that I grew up in a pretty good balance. I just hope I can do the same thing.

So, I'm looking back, and I'm looking forward, and life is one big I-75. I've been driving one section over and over again and now it's time to get on the junction.

Yup.

Coffeehouse

I learned the other day how to say coffeehouse in Hebrew. It's funny, because it's pretty much the same thing as in English.

I bring this up because I was blogging in a coffee shop on Monday night, and felt like SUCH the scene kid. I was even wearing tights and pattened leather shoes. Crazy.

Serious thought for the day:
Comparing John Mayer's song Belief with what my mom was telling me about seeing Aushwitz and Krakow.

She told me last night if she heard one more person say that the war in Iraq is about gas and oil she'd flip out.

I don't know. Because I know that was a motivating factor. But I did forget about Saddam. And his experiments and internment/concentration camps.

In other news, I was ears last night. For several hours. Actually most of my interactions yesterday were more about listening than talking. And that is a sort of role-reversal for me.

Silly question:
I asked my baristas this morning if they'd rather sneeze marbles or sweat cheese. And the guy, whose name I MUST discover said to me, "Sneeze marbles. " To which I replied, "That would hurt man..." and he said, "Yup."

Yay for people who play along with my middle school games :)

5.5 more weeks and I will no longer be an intern at South Tampa Fellowship. Nor have this spiffy computer to play on. For the first time since I've known this I just wondered what would define me. It's been three years, and it is going to be over so fast.

Now, I think I'll go home, then swim. And think to the rythmic beat of my stroke. That's pretty soothing believe it or not.

Leheetrahoat

Good News

I found out today that that paper's due date was pushed back because my professor will be in Austin, Texas. Yay!

Also, as I was walking around campus I saw an add for a Root Beer Pong Tournament tomorrow. Sounds like fun...

And, today is Israel's 60th birthday. She's sexy. It's awesome. We should all sing collectively to her.

Happy Birthday to You

Happy Birthday to You

Happy Birthday dear Promised Land

Happy Birthday to You

And many more....

But the coolest thing about this week? Tomorrow night I'll be sharing with my 75 Middle School students. Me, in the thing,yeah. Haha, I had to do that.

Anyway, it's been a pretty cool experience landing on a topic. Anyway, I'm going to be talking about Worship. Very broad, but ti will be good. I've begun collecting thoughts and rough drafting the whole thing out. I'm really excited about.

Tomorrow night is going to be awesome. Big House > Heather & Blake quality time > Picking up Ha Ema Sheli from the airport (that's My mother in Hebrew).

Today, it is cold, and I'm about to go tell my Lit class about Wilfred Owen, and discuss The Things They Carried.

Have a splendid day!

I Must Be Crazy

I have a ten page paper due Thursday. And I haven't really begun to touch it. I have some ideas. But I don't really want to write it.

I'm feeling all Ecclesiastical. If there's nothing new under the sun, why must professors demand we write original papers for them?

Anyway, I also have to write to 100 word characterizations of characters from Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried. Which has quickly become one of my favorite books. Even though its really depressing. What can I say, I like 'em dark, sometimes.

I'm excited to write these, because O'Brien gives you SO much to work with. Seriously, go to your library and check it out. It was my first real war novel and it fit in perfectly with the Across the Universe DVD release. I felt even more of Max this time around.

Speaking of ATU: I think my niece has a crush on Jim Sturgess. When I turned the movie on the other day she sat in my lap and "oohed" over and over again. It was so precious.

Bye!

thoughts...

-barely seven weeks
-pass MMC2100?
-paramore in orlando!!!
-i really want to go to the beach today instead of class
-my mom is in germany
-there is no sweeter sound than my niece giggling

not there

Elizabeth, I'm feeling emasculated. Maybe I should rent your movies.

I had this nightmare last night that a much more successful meeting took place last night behind my back led by the guy who told me he'd be out of town and a girl who doesn't even work at our company any more. Insecurity much?

I don't know what's going on in my head. I feel as though all these opportunities are lining up for me to do things I'm really good at, and people who have no idea, instead of taking the word of people who vouch for me are being idiotic.

There are no gaps, I can do my job, and hers.... But go ahead, wave your testosterone around and be all proud of the fact you have penises. I'm not going to play the "silently proving myself to you game." I've done that for three flipping years.

But I don't want to be a "bitch on wheels" either. A woman with a chip on my shoulder, out to prove any way that I can that I can play with the big dogs.

So, what's a girl to do? Carrie, it's not as easy as you make it look on TV...

Who knew you'd grow up to work in playground politics...

landing

Maybe it wasn't a good idea to watch Die Hard 2 the day my mother took off for Germany.

But I don't make very good decisions around the time my family members are traveling. Last year I read DC's Everybody Wants to Go to Heaven, But Nobody Wants to Die as both my parents left me in charge of my little sister for their trip to Italy. REALLY bad idea.

Oh well.

That wasn't the entire inspiration for this post. This is:
Today as I was leaving the airport I saw this truck pulling out of the short term parking with the familiar "JUST MARRIED" tagging all over it. Streamers, too. It made me daze off into make-believe land where I imagined an entire scenario about their lives.

I imagined this couple just back from their honeymoon. The groom (who I assume is the man I saw in the drivers' seat) was sunburned with some very not-so-attractive coon eyes. And smoking a cigar as they pulled out of the parking line.

The line "Back to reality" seems a vast understatement.

What is it like to return from a honeymoon? There is a lot of activity in the marriage track around me currently. On the good side, several dear dear friends of mine are headed toward marriage or are recently wed and doing fine. These are exciting times.

On the bad side, the couple I looked to as my romantic inspiration has recently fizzled out. Broken lives and questions... I feel stuck because I don't know what to hope for. These are not exciting times.

What is it like to land on the tarmac, realize that it is indeed back to reality, and the man you married is cheesily sporting coon-lines on a sunburned face and rolling a cigar around in his fingers?

who knew airports would be such a part of my life?

vicarious living

So, I've been living vicariously through the blogs of other people. And they've recently stopped updating on me. So, I guess it's my turn to put some things down, huh?

I imagine conversations with people all the time. Things I would never say because I'm not gutsy. Or I think they won't give me the time of day. Or I'm not cute enough to catch their attention. Or too cute and not enough something else.

Whatever.

I go to this singles' thing every Tuesday night with my big sis and a really good friend of mine. I really love it. The music is probably my favorite part, but the speaking has gotten better and better over the past two years. And recently, maybe because I finally feel old enough, I've started making my way into the "community" of singles. When I started going I was the ONLY 19 year old there. Now, there is a large group of college age students and people around that early 20s stage. So, I don't feel like SUCH the baby anymore. Plus for awhile I was dating a 25 year old, so that helped pull me into the more "adult ranks."

Anyway, I spent three months this summer working for THE COOLEST COMPANY EVER and when I came back there was a lot to figure out. The end of October was suddenly upon me and I was in St. Pete at a Matt Kearney concert with some of these singles... It was sort of in honor of my ex's birthday (at that point he was trying to put "us" back together)

Anyway, I like to remember this night as THE perfect scene in a romantic comedy. You know the scene where the guy and girl that will eventually get together have their first solo conversation. The audience knows they're gonna get together and they have this wonderfully charming conversation.

That's how I like to remember it. But I don't think that's really how it went down. But I left that night with the beginning of a crush on this really cute guy.

We walked around St. Pete, from his apartment to State Theatre, and talked about work and friends, family and growing up in Florida. I got a small peek at his music taste and was really intrigued with what he does for a living.

I hardly see him because he travels a lot, and I hide when I do see him. One of these days when I’ve convinced myself that I’m a 5’9 blonde, successful, beautiful, thin, intelligent woman I’ll talk to him. For now, I’ll keep sending crushing vibes out into the universe and hope they boomerang him to me again…

Or maybe another concert in St. Pete and him walking me around the city will work. I’m keeping my fingers crossed ;)

I'm researching the garbage out of the connection between the Law and the Covenant in OT Israel. And my eyes are getting tired of the small print in one of the books so I thought I'd put down some lyrics I like:

Do I have to spell it out for you
or scream it in your face?
Oh, the chemistry between us could destroy this place
Do I have to spell it out for you
or whisper in your ear?
Oh, just stop right there
I think that we've got something here
-Staplegunned, The Spill Canvas

Get up, Get up
Dance on the ceiling
Get up, Get up
Boy you must be dreaming
Rock on young savior
Don't give up your hopes
-Big Casino, Jimmy Eat World

And it's safe to say we'll never know
everything still blessings we receive.
And it’s safe to say I really don't know a thing,
still I choose to believe.
-I Believe, Dustin Kensrue

That might be a small glimpse into my life currently. Solving cases may take chemistry but it's just confusing when you're not allowed to act on some. Man, I had an overshare of that last night. Two of my exes were at 97 West last night. Two totally different parts of my life represented. Weird.

Then Jimmy Eat World expresses some of the lost direction I feel. I don't want to get bogged up in STUFF. I want to dance on the ceiling... start my ignition... be a part of something bigger than myself.

And finally, I need to trust. God may be working something in my heart... and I need to believe it. Not just be bothered and frustrated and confused.
Goodness.